Being ok when things aren't ok
Some of you may know that I have a deep history of mental illness and disordered eating which was carried throughout my life up until about mid last year - yep it took that long people! It has been a really intense journey but all the hard work and tears that went into recovery were well worth it.
So today I wanted to remind you that if you aren't feeling like your life is ok at the moment, you aren't alone, I know it's painful and believe me - you will get through it. A few things that helped me were firstly finding some help whether it be a psychologist, spiritual healer, energy healer or speaking to your GP. I felt like I had seen everyone under the sun without any success but finally the right teachers entered my life so if it doesn't feel right, drop em' and go find someone else! I definitely was able to speak to some of my close friends which was amazing for the support but you can't place all your baggage on friends/partners/family, they don't have all the tools to help you so it's really important to find a professional. Other things that were really valuable were listening to affirmations/meditations even if it was just in the background or as I was falling asleep, listening to interesting podcasts that fill your mind with goodness, finding a creative outlet like writing (I journal almost daily) or painting etc to kind of escape your mind for a while, going for long walks in nature to disconnect whilst connecting (if ya know what I mean?) and also filling my body with lots of high vibe foods along with delicious soul foods (aka pastry, chocolate, pizza, pasta #balance).
What was by far my greatest lesson was found within. These kind of lessons can only come when you have been able to empty a lot of the heaviness in your mind to find space for new thoughts. It takes time and it takes patience because you need to be still and make peace with the darkness to allow in the balance of light. As I was sitting in my room completely broken, empty, a sobbing mess and feeling the deep void of the unknown I realised that it doesn't matter where I am, who I am with or what I am doing, the only place you can find happiness is in yourself. Instead of running away or trying to change something to "fix" me I must stay present in this exact situation in order to find happiness. You cannot place your happiness and content on another human, on a job, on a new house, a thigh gap or flat stomach, on wealth or marriage or any external projection. At the end of the day all you have is you and all you have is this moment. You are enough in every way and once you can become your own best friend, your own champion and your own greatest love then all else will fall into place. It's ok to not be ok, just know that this moment will pass. Once I was able to make this connection my life became so so much lighter and easier than ever before. Life still has it's troubles and challenges but with these tools I know I will always be ok.
I may not know where I am going to be living, what I will be doing for money, or what my life looks like in a few months time but I do love myself exactly as I am which means that without anything else, I can be happy :)